If I could name 2020, it would be, “Welcome to the Shit Show”. My life is changing in every way imaginable. It’s been a roller coaster ride. So much has happened that I thought about just throwing myself on the floor and having a real tantrum. But mom reminded that it would only make my voice hoarse and I would cough more. Thanks mom for the dose of reality. I can always count on you to keep it real.
2020 began with massive changes. I couldn’t just make a few changes….no…I chose to let go of all that caused me pain, including things. Purging everything that I no longer needed. The house got pretty empty. I said goodbye to my marriage and we put the house up for sale. I left a career that I was very unhappy with. Each step very painful. It left me feeling very vulnerable with my heart broken open. But I have a theory about life. Life is always working for us, even if we don’t recognize it as such. I’ve really questioned why things happen the way they do. So I’ve come up with a possible answer.
I have a theory that I have some spirit guides with a wicked sense of humor. I envision two little leprechauns with their unicorn Fred sitting up in Heaven co-conspiring to give me the most personal growth possible in this lifetime. I can see them strategically planning my life for maximum growth. Leprechaun 1, “Hey, you know that Covid test we made positive last week? That threw Dina off just a little bit but let’s make it more interesting this week. Turn up the coughing. Then let’s get rid of her fever. That will confuse the hell out of her.” They laugh hysterically and continue to plan their shenanigans. Leprechaun 2, “Hey remember when Dina thought her house would sell within 60 days? We sure fixed that didn’t we? That large plumbing problem…nobody saw that coming. I’ll have to admit that we might have went too far with the big plumbing bill. That was tough. At least we gave her a cute plumber that sat with her for 2 days and he saved her from her least favorite bug. That did lessen the blow a little didn’t it?” Leprechaun 1, “Hmmm, so far this year we have stalled her from getting a new job, the selling of the house and her divorce. Is there anything else we can put in her path to slow her down? Oh, I know! Let’s mess with her health. I know she has kept her lupus under control but we need to see some flare ups. Let’s see how she handles herself under pressure.” Leprechaun 2, “You know she worries about her mom too. Let’s crank up the pain for her mom. They can both be down physically at the same time. That should promote some healthy bonding.” Leprechaun 1, “Yeah that’s great! She is really going to stretch those spiritual and emotional muscles. I bet she will question her life purpose. And I’m willing to bet you two rainbows that she blogs about her experiences.” Leprechaun 2, “I sure hope so because she is behind on finishing her book. It’s taken her almost 10 years. We have to light a fire under her ass. Poor girl, didn’t know what hit her.” Leprechaun 1, “Yes but we do it with the best of intentions. She is meant to be a badass woman. She’s getting there aside from her schmaltzy meltdowns. lf she could only see herself ugly cry…wah, wah, wah. Doesn’t she know we are preparing her for greatness?”
That is how I envision my life unfolding. Unforeseen events happening not to me but for me (leprechauns optional). I imagine myself as a tea bag being put in hot water.
“A woman is like a tea bag – you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water.”