I’ve been in a holding pattern for months. I want to make some shit happen. Why? Because being still, patient, has never been my best attribute. I sound like a 5 year old throwing a tantrum, and that would not be entirely untrue. Life is happening right in front of me without me controlling the situation. My inner child is stomping her feet and having a full on tantrum right now.
There are answers for my dilemma but they are not what I planned so I’ve cast them aside in favor of my own ideas. So the real struggle here is not where I am physically but where I am in my mind. Letting go of the need to control every aspect of my life. I’m sure the Universe is having a hey day trying to persuade me to listen to the gentle, still voice of reason. I acknowledge my shortcomings and really want to embrace the gentler way of being. It’s scary and unknown. What if I fall flat on my face? But then I think where I am now and is it not a worse place to be? The anxiety and depression I have caused myself has created physical symptoms of stress.
As I contemplate a new way of being, I realize that I’m open to it only because “making shit happen” has failed me. Admitting that publicly creates a lump in my throat. It’s not an easy lesson. I hope that I fully embrace it. It may take a while. I’m a work in progress.
Today I will live in the moment and be thankful for all that I have in my life. I have a place to live, friends and family that love me and a life that is waiting to unfold.
Mom said it best the other day…