This isn’t exactly the follow-up blog I wanted to post. I prefer that it would have been another motivational and positive, “Yes you can do it” moment with a personal story or two. It IS about Daring to…let go. There is nothing fun about the subject. It is quite painful and that is why I want to share my struggles with you. Life challenges happen to everyone.
There are two relationships in my life where I have to take a step back and simply love someone regardless of circumstances. One relationship I have struggled with the past few months and I have finally come to the conclusion that I am not helping this person but enabling them. It began as an offer to help him get back on his feet. The first year in helping this person, there was real progress being made and I was so proud of him. I wanted so badly for him to simply succeed in life and be happy. That’s not a bad wish to have. The problem is that he has problems that I will never be able to fix. No matter how badly I want him to be whole and healthy, it will not happen without his consent and effort. My help has allowed his bills to be paid on time but it has not changed the drug or alcohol problem. Mom told me going into this situation two years ago that it was not a good idea. But I had to give it a try. What if my involvement created a change in him? Talk about delusion! Where did I derail? It started with the best of intentions. Along the way though, I tied my ego to the outcome of the situation. If he failed, I failed. I wasn’t going to give up that easy. It is time to put my ego aside and simply love him for all that he is, addictions and all. For me, it means letting go of the outcome and allowing him his own choices. I’m not going to tell you that I am at peace with my decision because I am still struggling. I do know this is the best I can do at this time.
When children are little they step on your toes, when they grow up they step on your heart.
The second relationship involves a child. Sometimes you have to let go, loosen the reigns, for them to see what they have. It has frustrated me to put so much energy into this child only for them to say, “You don’t want me around”. I suppose that all the school and sporting events, doctor and orthodontist visits that I have attended over the years mean that I don’t care. It feels like a big slap in the face. However that is their reality and there is nothing that I can do to change that. I have to honor their feelings as painful as it is. It’s messy, uncomfortable and unpredictable…it’s life. My hope is that one day, this beautiful child will understand the love that I have for them. Understand and accept. Until then I have to put my big girl panties on and move forward…daring to let go.