At the age of 34 I began to wake up from a very long delusional dream. My life did not reflect my true identity and I questioned who the hell I was anyway! I let my light dim to just a shimmer of it’s strength and allowed myself to believe that that was all there was to me…dull, lifeless and very plain vanilla.
“She looked into the mirror disappointed. For it hid her beautiful soul”. ~ Me
When I realized that there really was more to me, I became scared of the potential that I possessed. It was like being in a large auditorium with a packed audience and the key speaker sent a spotlight and pointed it directly on me. I was now identified and I couldn’t hide from myself any longer. I wanted to hunch down in my seat and shrink into nothingness. Why not? That’s what I did most of my life. I spent some time wrapping myself in a safe cacoon as I took stock of who I was. It was a lengthy process and many times during this transformational process, I had to change my perception about my identity. Time passed and I began to witness a change that began deep inside of me. It started with my heart which enlarged and opened to allow all of the new wonderful feelings. When I began to see the goodness in others, I began to see it in myself.
The cacooned shelter I had been wrapped in began to open up and I wrestled with my surroundings. The space that once made me feel safe was now very cramped. I wanted more room to grow. My family watched as I began to take shape. They could have easily torn open the cacoon I was in and forced me out of my cramped space but what would I have learned? The struggles strengthened my wings so that I could take flight. Learning to fly was the most glorious of all of my experiences. There were so many firsts in my life and they all seemed to happen in Technicolor and surround sound. I took the time to smell and appreciate the flowers and hear the bees as they buzzed around me being productive. I even admired the thorns. Without the thorns there would be no roses. I was stung a few times and those thorns hurt when I flew right into them but I learned the pain was only skin deep and necessary for me to appreciate all of the good things that came my way. Life became very rich and full.
Becoming the butterfly is a process and it never stops. There are always seasons of change and phases to go through. It matters not where you find yourself in life. It only matters that you move in a forward direction. Whether you see yourself as the caterpillar or the butterfly, realize the potential that you have and go with it.
The Butterfly asked the Caterpillar what is was staring at and it said, “My potential”. ~ Me